Loveless Act 26

The fall of the sword as the last demon dies
The Hero emerges victorious to glorious cries
But behind the respected mask lies the truth
The image of the real deamon appears

The last rays of light slowly vanishes
Only to be replaced by the howling dark
Anxious faces look up to the sky
Awaiting their fate as all light dies




Sigh,it's been a long time since I last posted anything.
Well,not much to post about anyway.I did not really get the grades I should for the exams.
I am not doing well in choir either.Well,there would be a reason for that.
Many things have been happening in my life.
Many of which are......depressing
When the holidays came,I was happy,yet sad because it would mean I can get away from prying eyes
But it also meant I can't be with my friends.
Ironic,I know.But this is how my life is.
Like in many of my previous posts,I have talked about people leading better lives than me.
You can argue that at least I have parents unlike orphans.
You can also argue that I have roof under my head.
Say all you want because no one knows how it feels like to be far from the people you care about
Far from your friends,everything.
Many of you say I am cold and silent.
If I was your friend and you know me very well,would you still say the same thing?
Now that the holidays are about to end,so does my chance of being reunited with everyonr else.
Again,I am moving.This time to Bishan with my grandparents
Sure,you may say that at least it is nearer than Tiong Bahru.
But it is not home.
I don't know what being home feels like.
So many things have happended and changed.
I only want one thing.

And that is understanding from you people,my friends.
Remember in my previous post?
I said I was always hiding behind a mask?
It is true.Yet sometimes,I hate it.
I just can't find out which is the real me.
Am I the cold and steel-hearted John?
Am I the silent and dark Rui How?
There are so many more.So many more...
But which is the real one?
Which is the real me?
Or maybe,am I all of them put together?

I will end of with these quote


"The warrior believes solitude is what keeps him going,
   He believes  that only he himself can achieve his destiny
   But fighintg alone for ages against his enemies and himself
   Has revealed one thing: He was never alone.
   He believes that everything he had managed to accomplish
   Was because of his own sheer determination
    But always standing by his side were his friends
   He realised that they were the ones who gave him the strength
   The strength to overcome his enemies.And the darkness in him
   He realised that he was never alone and that there would always
   Always be people there who would stand by him to the very end"

Loveless Act 25

The sound of laughter
The fall of darkness
The sound of despair
The fall of light

The beginning of every journey
The end of every quest
Where does one find the will to begin it all
Where does one find the strength to try



I am happy one moment and sad the next...I really have no idea what is going on. Maybe I have been keeping everything bottled inside me for too long.
But then, no one will listen or understand if I say it...*sigh*

I am really facing some problems right now. For a guy, being a coward is QUITE demeaning.

I am listening to a song 'Joy To The World' Weird that such a high-energy song can sound sad to me...L.O.L.

I am prepared to face somethings,but not all...when can I actually enjoy myself.

One good thing though. I actually had fun the past few days.

Hope it will last.

^^

Loveless Act 24

I hate it all.

Loveless Act 23

Raindrops slowly fall to the ground
The rays of the sun slowly fades.
The sound of laughter slowly goes
The feeling of hopelessness slowy sets.





Have not been posting for awhile.Many things have happend.I would be lying if I said there were no good things that happened.
I have quite a lot of stuff on my mind. I think to myself,why must others be more fortunate than I am?Others always or almost nearly get what they want everytime.
I know I sound very dark now,but if you have so many things weighting down on your mind,even you would be depressed.
I should stop here now.I really don't feel like going on.I hate it.I just hate it.

Loveless Act 22

The endless snow blankets the frozen wasteland
The rays of the sun shining down
The warmth and security of a once frozen wasteland
Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions






I feel......somehow happy,yet when I see the ex-co or when I think of them,I feel sick and angry.All I wish for is 1 day where everything is happiness.
This is hard to bear.I have no where to go.
I don't fit in anywhere.
I wish I did,but I don't.
Wishing for a calm day where a gentle wind is blowing,the sound of peace and the ray of the sun shining down on me.
Is it impossible to get this?

Loveless Act 20

The face behind every mask
Bears a different personality
The illusion that appears
The truth that kills

The Hero hides behind his mask
Hoping to deceive to please
The battle is never  outside of him
But always inside his heart




Been a while since I posted anything.I have decided to become John.Lim Rui How is only a mask.Like I said before,I am never a single person.People might think I am mad.Maybe I am.The only way to know my true self is to know myself.Though the world is full of laughter and joy,I find it hard to share the same sentiments as them.I really am too different am I?Trying to blend in,but not with my real self.How many masks do I have?

Sadness?Joy?Anger?Darkness?Light?How many exactly?Others are themselves and they do not have to worry about 'dressing up' to hide.
I remember this quote : "The first wish was made,for an end to a bitter and corrupt world and for a purer one to take its place." Any idea what is means? Am I the disease that is corrupting everything?

I wish to be able to find myself,but in order  to do that,I need help.Who is willing to help me?I know I am a lone wolf,but there are somethings that not even I can do alone.I bear the consequence of everything despite me not being the one who started it. Who exactly am I?I am starting to have doubts about myself.Will I ever have the will to start what I must do and to finish what I have started?

Loveless Act 19

The sound of thunder
The sight of chaos
The stench of death

The warmth of light
The purity of hearts
The assurance of peace

The end of life
The end of time
The end of everything



I don't think I ever told anyone about this.I don't know whether I want to tell you people or not.I think I should.
Ever wondered why I moved to Tiong Bahru?

The reason is very simple.But let me digress for a while.Think about it.Has your family been so affected financially that your parents are always fighting?Has your family have to do anything just to make ends meet?Has anyone of you have your parents shout at you until you cry?Have any of you need to give up something to move forward in life?


My dad lost his job.We were moved to Tiong Bahru where the government 'helps' us.I don't think anyone of you knows how it feels like.Being far away from your friends.Having to live behind an illusion.Some of you will say I am lying.Everyone says I am lying.Who trusts me?You people don't even care.Wonder why I stay out as often as I can?Ever wondered why I am always sad in school?I don't think so.All of you lead lives that are better than mine.You don't have to fight to survive.Others were born lucky.What about me?My family only has until October before we have to leave this bloody place.After that?I might have to live on the streets.Maybe I might even have move to Malaysia.By then I would have left school.Bet most of you will be happy right?No more of the jerk who brings everyone down.Luqman will be jumping with joy.No more of the asshole to insult him.Hafiz will be busy insulting me.Jeremy will not have to worry about me bothering him.In fact,I thought about whether I ought to be HERE in the first place.


Remember this?


Forgotten Past
Painful Present
Missing Future

Loveless Act 18

The Hero returns to fight for his people
The people cheer and cry as they see the dreaded shadows retreat to the Dark
The Hero fights to save all who he love
Every drop of his blood spilt is a blessing to those who believe in the Light





Hi,I know I have been a jerk.An asshole really.I have never opened up to anyone till now.Maybe this will let you understand me.I don't know who here is a friend or a foe but I will start everything again.

My name is Rui How.My pals call me John.I was born on the seventh of June 1995.Currently staying in Tiong Bahru.I am a pessimistic/optimistic person but which ever side surfaces more,you should know.I have friends,but I don't talk about them.

Many of you think that I am an emotional teen,but  I am not.It is just that I like to keep to myself.If all of you noticed,I talk a lot when messaging instead of face-to-face talks.Some people(Hafiz,BX,Al)know me quite well I can say,and I am glad you do.
Let me create a scenario.For a person who knows me,if I am quiet,he/she will know that I am deep in thought or sad/angry.You will know that I stand up for my friends and I will do anything for them(my old friends should know that).For those who do not know me,I am a selfish,violent guy who has no feelings for anyone.I cannot blame you people for that as I am the one who did not open up.Recently,I just attended a camp(YTSAs should know that)and my group thought I was very quiet but I can talk(BX and friends AND Dini)a lot.The point is,you cannot judge a book by its cover.I am a cheerful guy,just that I don't show it.You might see me always alone,but that does not mean I am abandoned but just...I have no idea of what to say...I think I have mentioned this to some people,so I will say it again.I feel left-out whenever I see my friends hanging out together.To you people,you will think it is because I am a loner.But the truth is,I don't match with your style.Taking Jeremy for example,he knows a lot about music and he can play the piano.But me?I only know military stuff and I cannot even play a single musical instrument.You people always have something in common such as favourite stars or teams,but I don't.I don't even know what teams there are in the World Cup.I only recognise a few celebrities.I just don't match.You can say that I am weird.Like what most people would think is that boys like football and stuff but I don't.People are afraid of snakes and the like while I adore them.Is it weird?They like something,I don't like it.It is like all of you were made to be together.

I think some of you will be thinking that I am writing this to get sympathy.It is up to you to decide why.Just one thing for thought.I am sure everyone here has messages sent to them by friends on their birthdays.Anyone noticed my birthday did not appear on Facebook?I think not.I will stop here.For now.I might have more things to add.But for now,This is what I will reveal.Goodnight.

Loveless Act 17

The tears that were shed
The Light that was extinguished

The Darkness that filles this heart of mine
Corrupts the purity in in me.





I am NOT studying for my exams and I am slacking behind.
I don't feel like studying yet I want to ace my papers.

Loveless Act 16

As darkness falls and the land withers
The light shines through to guide the pure
The hearts of men once corrupted
Can be cleansed with light and forgiveness

The lands slowly dying.
The darkness comsuming all
Yet hope remains for the angels calls
Have been heard by the purest hearts
To lead the fight against the dark.






Tomorrow is my English paper and I have not even started revising.Just what is changing.I am hoping to  get what I want.Now I wait.

Lovesless Act 15

Autumn leaves slowly fall to the ground.
The rustling wind slowly blows.
The endless expense,
The endless joy.

A sign of death.
A sound of sadness.
The coming end.
The end of life.




I hate and love my life.
My family is up and down.
I am soon going to study Pure Sciences but I have no idea whether the people there will accept me.
I am worried for chinese.I am slacking behind...again.
Victoria,are you angry with me?I know I have annoyed you but I did not mean to play with you or anything.
I don't even know what I did wrong.
Please give me a chance.

Loveless Act 14

The light shines down on the earth.
The goddess herself bathing in it's pure ray.
The clouds slowly parting the sky.
The sound of laughter.
The feeling of peace.

The light dies and a shadow grows.
The land laid bare and darkness everywhere.
The shadows leap and fly.
The sky full of ashes and cries.
The end of peace.




My family is really going crazy now.Everthing is a mess.I just hate it.
I want my dreams to come true.I want my imagination to come true.
A dream where no one is fighting.
An imagination where I can stay in a room myself.
All of these is just too crazy for me to handle.
I was looking forward to camp but now it is postponed to May.
I am going to have ot wait till then.
I just want a time where I can just lie on the earth and stare up at the night sky.
I want to be with you,Victoria.
I don't know whether you have feelings for me or not.
But you know that I have feelings for you.
Why is it that you don't want to believe it?
I am staying out of the house.
I don't want to be stuck in THIS place anymore.
I want to move.

Loveless Act 13

The lonely figure on the hill.
Staring out towards the sea.
The light from the moon gleaming down.
A flash of light and all is gone.








Things are getting pretty hectic.I always stay away from home if I have the chance.
Everyone needs spirit to fight.I still have mine.
I hold on to fight.
I have to hope for the best now.
Still holding on to dreams and hope.
I am waiting for the right time to grab that chance.

Lovesless Act 12

Starlight shines through the window
The moondrops that slowly fall
Dandelions flowing in the wind
Wild roses that sway in harmony




About a month since I last posted.I hate my life.
Well,part of it.Part of it keeps me fighting.
I am trying to do my best.
I am waiting for the councillor camp where I can just be alone.
Where I can think.
Victoria,happy belated.
I know I sang you a birthday song yesterday.
Happy birthday to you,happy birthday to you.Happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you.
Make a wish and blow out the candles.
14 years old.
Happy Birthday Victoria.

Loveless Act 11

The tears that slowly flow.
The sorrow that fills the sky.
The anger spreading over the lands.
The wrath that is heard from the heavens.

The lone soul stands untouched.
Wishing only to be alone and saved.
The wild roses wilthing.
And the dandelions floating across the fields.




This turns out to be my final post for now.I will have to stop here.I went to school today angry and I was nearly late.
Next came SS and I fell asleep.I have not been getting enough sleep now-adays.I am getting awfully tired.
After my Math lesson,I went to wait for the camp meeting to start but before anyone even consulted me,I was thrown to logistics.
Normally I would argue for a bit but I lost it today.I saw the board and I literally slammed the door in their faces.I tried talking to Jeremy
but the advice was not very helpful.Next came Xavier who misunderstood me.Hafiz was trying to cheer me up.
I went back but I kept silent.No one wanted me anyway.No one asked me for any suggestions.Why?
Because they think I am dull and boring.They don't know me at all.All the problems and hardships that I face,they do not have too.It is completely
different.Talking to Marcus who was the one in-charge did not help at all.He simply did not understand me.
I am so lost and confused right now.
Victoria,I hope you can achieve your dreams unlike me.
I cannot help myself,but I can help you.

Loveless Act 10

As the world is reborn.
As the angels come from the heavens.
The wild roses wither.
The water stops.







Just a note.This could be my last post for the next 2 months.Why,I will keep it to myself.
I am still falling asleep during lessons.What the hell is going on with me???
I tried to play the piano today but was too depressed to go on.
Went swimming but found not much fun in it.
Went 'shopping' and reached home at 10 p.m.
Finished doing my homework and typing this post now.


Victoria,I want you to know that if you need help,you can always find me.
I want to tell you this as well.
I like you.
I know it is hard to accept it.
It is never easy but what does your heart tell you?
I like you Victoria.




"Follow your heart.Only you can make your own decisions."- Lim Rui How

Loveless Act 9

The burning flame of desire.
The undying love for freedom.
Petals flying in the sky.
Tears of happiness floating by.





Slept during Chinese lessons today...again.After school,went to slack in the music room for choir to start.
An hour later and all the new-comers start coming.Soon after,all hell broke lose.Lost my patience and started getting angry...
Will end here for today since I have to go for trials tomorrow.I think.Goodnight Victoria.

Loveless Act 8

As the rain slowly falls on the ground.
The lone sparrow flies down to bathe.
The water that is pure and full of life.
The land of ever-lasting happiness.




I won't talk about school hours.I will just talk about after school hours.
I was slacking with Jeremy since he was waiting for someone.
We played badminton,basketball,soccer and played the piano.
Waited for 2 hours and I saw Victoria.
I wanted to talk to her,but I was too shy.
I see myself as inferior to everyone.


All the way Victoria,may you achieve your dreams.

Loveless Act 7

As the fire burns and ends all life.
The Angel comes out to pray.
The break in the sky.
The blowing of the winds.
The sound of lightning.
And the death of purity.




Feel awful today.Feel like I got hit by a truck.Bad hang-over.Got angry over minor stuff...What the hell is wrong with me......?
I amso fed-up but I don't know at what.I feel so lusy.Don't feel like going to school...

Loveless Act 6

As the meteors fall from the heavens.
As the animals run for shelter.
The angry god raises his hand.
And life perishes.
The last dandilion.
Slowly floating down.



I am getting angry for no reason...this happened for the past week and this week.
Feel like living in solitude now.
Today is still just as uneventful.
Sunday would be the same I guess.
Waiting for Her.
Will be visiting Popular soon enough.

These days are just starting to get bad.

Loveless Act 5

The thunder rolls across the sky.
Ashes fall as rain on ice.
Lightning shakes the earthly realm.
The wind blows and the grass dances.
The earthly growls and the angry roars.
The  hunt begins.



Stayed back till 5 to play basketball and learn how to play the piano.
I am aching......don't feel like doing my homework yet...
Might be swimming tomorrow...
So stressed and confused now......haiz......

Loveless Act 4

The endless sky with no boundries.
The sea of hope with no spacing.
The gestures of time.
The sound of laughter.
The timeless clock.
The road to Heaven




NO!!!I fell asleep...during SS...
Ah...talk to Xavier is like therapy class...
Hihi Victoria.

Loveless Act 3

The endless sea of dreams.
The lifeless field of forgotten hope.
The lights dancing on the water.
The petals dancing and falling.
The moonlight shining down on the forlorn rose.
The beginning of love.



Wednesday and I hid myself at the back of the hall.
People kept thinking I was crying.
Went to talk to Xavier today.Tried to resign but he denied my request.

I am suffering from mood swings,stress and all sorts of ailments.
I am losing my mind.
Listening to music is the only way I seem to be able to relax.
My compositions are getting more and more poetic and that is not good.
Talking to Victoria is comforting.
I might be hallucanating.
I hope I am sane.

Loveless Act 2

The rain that glistens off the window pane.
The light that dances throught the the night.
The demon slowly spreads its wings.
The angel comes out to shine.

Now it is Tuesday. Today was hell.
Fell asleep during Biology lesson.
Nearly got picked on during Chinese.
Choir IS hell now.
We have a new teacher and it ain't gonna be pretty.
Should I drop art???I am seriously considering.
Stay healthy Victoria,God bless.




"Send  me out...with a bang"-Sergeant Major-Avery Johnson

Loveless Act 1

The stars slowly fall into place.
The trails slowly disappear.
The pieces of a puzzle slowly fall in place.
The light that shines slowly fades.
The darkness slowly creeps away.
The fire that burns in the silver light
The water that flows into the shadowy night

As the roses slowly bloom in May.
The children all gather and play.
The fire comes and all is swept away.
The wild roses burning in the night.
The shadows creepiing in the light.
The stroke of the last clock.
And the end of time.

Just a short intro about myself. My posts will most of the time start with a short 'poetry'.
If you don't understand it,don't try to.

This week is still pretty much the same.
Hi to Victoria if she is reading this.
Study and study.
Tried to meet Mrs Yeo today and got chased away.
Looking forward to tomorrow after school where I can hide in a room.