The sound of laughter resonating through the halls
The flickering of candle flames dancing on the walls
The start of new beginnings
The start of a new generation
My first post in 2011.I am not really looking forward to the new year.
I know I can count on others but...I don't think it will be a good year.
Maybe I am just being paranoid.
I only wish for 2 things. To get at least 5 A1s and 1 B4 and to help <>
I know I have been an asshole for these past years and I am sorry for that.
I can understand that all of you are not used to someone like me when you all have people like Marcus and Kenny.
But then again,everyone is different right?
Since it is O's this year,I am torn between a lot of stuff.
I think I better voice out.
I actually had thoughts of ********* *******...my close friends would know what I mean.
Strange that I am actually quite sane right?
I hope those who read this would keep it to themselves.
I don't like people to publicise about me,I have had enough of it.
People like Kenny and Marcus,I don't blame them for teasing me and telling others about my life...the most recent which many of you still like to talk about,but I am not the only one who suffers from it. At least I think so.
I know you people might think I am exaggerating but......some people do kill themsleves when others tease them to the point that they can't take it.
It takes years to build up a reputation and only seconds to bring it down.
Again,I am being an asshole...I know...
Like today's programme. I am boring and monotonous.
I always have second thoughts about myself...
When I see people like Marcus and a few other people,I get envious.Why?
Because they know how to have fun.They know how to interact.
Me?I only know how to command people and demand respect.This is what I think of myself.
Sometimes,I really wonder why...just why...
Well,one thing I can say is that I know there are people like Al,BX,Bran,Fiz and Jeremy and a few others who I know I can count on and people who I think accept me the way I am.
Again,nothing is certain. As for another matter which is interacting with others...
During my primary school days,I have not been very popular...the only people who stuck are Bran,Bx and Al.They would always be by my side.
Want to know why the others do not accept me.Well,the reason is simple.Name calling was an enjoyable past-time in primary school and most people would call me pervert. Think out of any reasons you might want to but what affected me last time does affect me now.
Try having people taunt you everyday in school and getting left out in almost everything that others do. It is simply unbearable.
Trying to make friends but getting rejected by the others is torture...I think most of my primary school CLASSMATES will know what I mean.
Let me recount this really popular story in my primary school.
There was this guy in my class who would like to insult and tease others. My ex-classmates who are reading this might remember what I mean.
We were in the computer lab after the exams and he asked me how to send a message to the whole class and whole school,so I told him how it was done.
You can guess what was written in the message
The one written to the whole p6 level was: Rui How say he slept with Vanessa
The one written to the whole school was: Rui How is a pervert
You people will most definitely not believe me,but that is the truth.
I don't anyone of you have experienced that before.
In just that few minutes,I was way below low.
Girls started avoiding in school and guys would spread rumours about me.
You have to go through it to be able to understand.
Which leads to my next sentence.
I don't think anyone of you have experienced it before.
None of you have any idea how it is like to be treated like scum.No,way below scum.
Even the teachers lost trust in me.
I know what some of you would say and that is I am lying and I just want to get attention.
Well,think what you want,but the truth is the truth. If people continue judging me because of what I am now without find out about my past,I don't think it is worth ******.
The final lap is here and what I hope is that you people will understand what I have been through and not judge me by my appearance.
Forgotten Past
Painful Present
Missing Future
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Friday, December 24, 2010
Loveless Act 26
The fall of the sword as the last demon dies
The Hero emerges victorious to glorious cries
But behind the respected mask lies the truth
The image of the real deamon appears
The last rays of light slowly vanishes
Only to be replaced by the howling dark
Anxious faces look up to the sky
Awaiting their fate as all light dies
Sigh,it's been a long time since I last posted anything.
Well,not much to post about anyway.I did not really get the grades I should for the exams.
I am not doing well in choir either.Well,there would be a reason for that.
Many things have been happening in my life.
Many of which are......depressing
When the holidays came,I was happy,yet sad because it would mean I can get away from prying eyes
But it also meant I can't be with my friends.
Ironic,I know.But this is how my life is.
Like in many of my previous posts,I have talked about people leading better lives than me.
You can argue that at least I have parents unlike orphans.
You can also argue that I have roof under my head.
Say all you want because no one knows how it feels like to be far from the people you care about
Far from your friends,everything.
Many of you say I am cold and silent.
If I was your friend and you know me very well,would you still say the same thing?
Now that the holidays are about to end,so does my chance of being reunited with everyonr else.
Again,I am moving.This time to Bishan with my grandparents
Sure,you may say that at least it is nearer than Tiong Bahru.
But it is not home.
I don't know what being home feels like.
So many things have happended and changed.
I only want one thing.
And that is understanding from you people,my friends.
Remember in my previous post?
I said I was always hiding behind a mask?
It is true.Yet sometimes,I hate it.
I just can't find out which is the real me.
Am I the cold and steel-hearted John?
Am I the silent and dark Rui How?
There are so many more.So many more...
But which is the real one?
Which is the real me?
Or maybe,am I all of them put together?
I will end of with these quote
"The warrior believes solitude is what keeps him going,
He believes that only he himself can achieve his destiny
But fighintg alone for ages against his enemies and himself
Has revealed one thing: He was never alone.
He believes that everything he had managed to accomplish
Was because of his own sheer determination
But always standing by his side were his friends
He realised that they were the ones who gave him the strength
The strength to overcome his enemies.And the darkness in him
He realised that he was never alone and that there would always
Always be people there who would stand by him to the very end"
The Hero emerges victorious to glorious cries
But behind the respected mask lies the truth
The image of the real deamon appears
The last rays of light slowly vanishes
Only to be replaced by the howling dark
Anxious faces look up to the sky
Awaiting their fate as all light dies
Sigh,it's been a long time since I last posted anything.
Well,not much to post about anyway.I did not really get the grades I should for the exams.
I am not doing well in choir either.Well,there would be a reason for that.
Many things have been happening in my life.
Many of which are......depressing
When the holidays came,I was happy,yet sad because it would mean I can get away from prying eyes
But it also meant I can't be with my friends.
Ironic,I know.But this is how my life is.
Like in many of my previous posts,I have talked about people leading better lives than me.
You can argue that at least I have parents unlike orphans.
You can also argue that I have roof under my head.
Say all you want because no one knows how it feels like to be far from the people you care about
Far from your friends,everything.
Many of you say I am cold and silent.
If I was your friend and you know me very well,would you still say the same thing?
Now that the holidays are about to end,so does my chance of being reunited with everyonr else.
Again,I am moving.This time to Bishan with my grandparents
Sure,you may say that at least it is nearer than Tiong Bahru.
But it is not home.
I don't know what being home feels like.
So many things have happended and changed.
I only want one thing.
And that is understanding from you people,my friends.
Remember in my previous post?
I said I was always hiding behind a mask?
It is true.Yet sometimes,I hate it.
I just can't find out which is the real me.
Am I the cold and steel-hearted John?
Am I the silent and dark Rui How?
There are so many more.So many more...
But which is the real one?
Which is the real me?
Or maybe,am I all of them put together?
I will end of with these quote
"The warrior believes solitude is what keeps him going,
He believes that only he himself can achieve his destiny
But fighintg alone for ages against his enemies and himself
Has revealed one thing: He was never alone.
He believes that everything he had managed to accomplish
Was because of his own sheer determination
But always standing by his side were his friends
He realised that they were the ones who gave him the strength
The strength to overcome his enemies.And the darkness in him
He realised that he was never alone and that there would always
Always be people there who would stand by him to the very end"
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Loveless Act 25
The sound of laughter
The fall of darkness
The sound of despair
The fall of light
The beginning of every journey
The end of every quest
Where does one find the will to begin it all
Where does one find the strength to try
I am happy one moment and sad the next...I really have no idea what is going on. Maybe I have been keeping everything bottled inside me for too long.
But then, no one will listen or understand if I say it...*sigh*
I am really facing some problems right now. For a guy, being a coward is QUITE demeaning.
I am listening to a song 'Joy To The World' Weird that such a high-energy song can sound sad to me...L.O.L.
I am prepared to face somethings,but not all...when can I actually enjoy myself.
One good thing though. I actually had fun the past few days.
Hope it will last.
^^
The fall of darkness
The sound of despair
The fall of light
The beginning of every journey
The end of every quest
Where does one find the will to begin it all
Where does one find the strength to try
I am happy one moment and sad the next...I really have no idea what is going on. Maybe I have been keeping everything bottled inside me for too long.
But then, no one will listen or understand if I say it...*sigh*
I am really facing some problems right now. For a guy, being a coward is QUITE demeaning.
I am listening to a song 'Joy To The World' Weird that such a high-energy song can sound sad to me...L.O.L.
I am prepared to face somethings,but not all...when can I actually enjoy myself.
One good thing though. I actually had fun the past few days.
Hope it will last.
^^
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Loveless Act 23
Raindrops slowly fall to the ground
The rays of the sun slowly fades.
The sound of laughter slowly goes
The feeling of hopelessness slowy sets.
Have not been posting for awhile.Many things have happend.I would be lying if I said there were no good things that happened.
I have quite a lot of stuff on my mind. I think to myself,why must others be more fortunate than I am?Others always or almost nearly get what they want everytime.
I know I sound very dark now,but if you have so many things weighting down on your mind,even you would be depressed.
I should stop here now.I really don't feel like going on.I hate it.I just hate it.
The rays of the sun slowly fades.
The sound of laughter slowly goes
The feeling of hopelessness slowy sets.
Have not been posting for awhile.Many things have happend.I would be lying if I said there were no good things that happened.
I have quite a lot of stuff on my mind. I think to myself,why must others be more fortunate than I am?Others always or almost nearly get what they want everytime.
I know I sound very dark now,but if you have so many things weighting down on your mind,even you would be depressed.
I should stop here now.I really don't feel like going on.I hate it.I just hate it.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Loveless Act 22
The endless snow blankets the frozen wasteland
The rays of the sun shining down
The warmth and security of a once frozen wasteland
Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions
I feel......somehow happy,yet when I see the ex-co or when I think of them,I feel sick and angry.All I wish for is 1 day where everything is happiness.
This is hard to bear.I have no where to go.
I don't fit in anywhere.
I wish I did,but I don't.
Wishing for a calm day where a gentle wind is blowing,the sound of peace and the ray of the sun shining down on me.
Is it impossible to get this?
The rays of the sun shining down
The warmth and security of a once frozen wasteland
Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions
I feel......somehow happy,yet when I see the ex-co or when I think of them,I feel sick and angry.All I wish for is 1 day where everything is happiness.
This is hard to bear.I have no where to go.
I don't fit in anywhere.
I wish I did,but I don't.
Wishing for a calm day where a gentle wind is blowing,the sound of peace and the ray of the sun shining down on me.
Is it impossible to get this?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Loveless Act 20
The face behind every mask
Bears a different personality
The illusion that appears
The truth that kills
The Hero hides behind his mask
Hoping to deceive to please
The battle is never outside of him
But always inside his heart
Been a while since I posted anything.I have decided to become John.Lim Rui How is only a mask.Like I said before,I am never a single person.People might think I am mad.Maybe I am.The only way to know my true self is to know myself.Though the world is full of laughter and joy,I find it hard to share the same sentiments as them.I really am too different am I?Trying to blend in,but not with my real self.How many masks do I have?
Sadness?Joy?Anger?Darkness?Light?How many exactly?Others are themselves and they do not have to worry about 'dressing up' to hide.
I remember this quote : "The first wish was made,for an end to a bitter and corrupt world and for a purer one to take its place." Any idea what is means? Am I the disease that is corrupting everything?
I wish to be able to find myself,but in order to do that,I need help.Who is willing to help me?I know I am a lone wolf,but there are somethings that not even I can do alone.I bear the consequence of everything despite me not being the one who started it. Who exactly am I?I am starting to have doubts about myself.Will I ever have the will to start what I must do and to finish what I have started?
Bears a different personality
The illusion that appears
The truth that kills
The Hero hides behind his mask
Hoping to deceive to please
The battle is never outside of him
But always inside his heart
Been a while since I posted anything.I have decided to become John.Lim Rui How is only a mask.Like I said before,I am never a single person.People might think I am mad.Maybe I am.The only way to know my true self is to know myself.Though the world is full of laughter and joy,I find it hard to share the same sentiments as them.I really am too different am I?Trying to blend in,but not with my real self.How many masks do I have?
Sadness?Joy?Anger?Darkness?Light?How many exactly?Others are themselves and they do not have to worry about 'dressing up' to hide.
I remember this quote : "The first wish was made,for an end to a bitter and corrupt world and for a purer one to take its place." Any idea what is means? Am I the disease that is corrupting everything?
I wish to be able to find myself,but in order to do that,I need help.Who is willing to help me?I know I am a lone wolf,but there are somethings that not even I can do alone.I bear the consequence of everything despite me not being the one who started it. Who exactly am I?I am starting to have doubts about myself.Will I ever have the will to start what I must do and to finish what I have started?
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